Say whatever the hell you want. to scream publicly into the void (in print) please email tildas@hudsonvalleycurrent.org.
ISO: Summer Survival Strategist: Hudson Valley resident with an advanced bug phobia seeks guidance on enjoying summer without making eye contact with mosquitoes, ticks, moths, beetles, or anything else that buzzes, crawls, flies, hops, or appears unexpectedly. Must be skilled in emotional support, insect identification from a safe distance, and convincing me that every floating leaf is not a giant bug. Compensation: gratitude, snacks, and occasional panicked text messages.
FOR SALE: Kayak: Bought with dreams of becoming an outdoorsy river explorer. Instead, it spent most of its time reminding me that paddling is, in fact, exercise. Floats beautifully, unlike my motivation. Ready for a new owner with stronger arms and a more adventurous spirit. Priced to move—preferably farther than I ever did. Email me at takethisfuckingkayak@hotmail.com
WANTED: Shade: Hudson Valley resident seeking large, dependable patch of shade for summer use. Must be available during heat waves, outdoor festivals, and any occasion requiring pants despite 90-degree temperatures. Will consider mature trees, oversized umbrellas, or unusually cooperative clouds. Compensation negotiable. Cold iced tea included.
PERSONALS: Seeking Summer Sidekick: Hudson Valley resident seeks companion for ice cream runs, sunset views, and complaining about humidity while refusing to stay indoors. Must tolerate mosquitoes, spontaneous adventures, and saying, “We have to enjoy summer while it lasts!” Apply before Labor Day.